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joy1peach
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Name: LOVE
Gender: Female
Interests: Reading, shopping, singing, dancing, karaoke, Morracan, Italian & Japanese food lover~ Hibatchi style, working out on the treadmill, the "Magic of Christmas", Sunday Church service, cooking, training & development, lifelong self discovery, candles, wine, watching my children grow and learn, hanging with friends at Barnes and Noble, Roller Skating, being with my family and cuddling with my dogs.
Expertise: First, I believe I have a great understanding of people. I am excellent at photography,comforting and motivating others, coordinating parties, cooking, cheering up a room, dancing, singing, skating, writing poetry, going the extra mile, caring for the elderly, beating my husband at Scrabble AND making the best double layer chocolate cake from a box mix :)
Occupation: Teacher
Industry: Education
Message: message me
AIM:  Joy1peachy
Member Since:
7/18/2004
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| Wow! I haven't been on here awhile. Been reading everyone's posts though, just haven't had time to respond. Well tomorrow starts another year of camp. I have no idea why I signed up again this year...oh yeah...the kids. Let's see if I make it through the first week. Too many reasons why I shouldn't make it. Good to know that the boys and Chris DO support me if I can't continue. Hope everyone is well! | | |
| This is just a rant, so you don't have to read it. Actually, it may disturb you if you read it, so I encourage you to stop now. Where do I begin. I feel so distraught right now. I need to find a new place to blog, but for now am posting on here. I'm so tired of being everyone's punching bag. Today I had to hear from my brother, "I don't love you Joyanne." I've always tried to help him, knowing that he has resentment against me for doing well because I've worked hard and made good choices in my life. That hurt. My heart loves my niece and he was saying things like, "she will never be yours" as if I want her to be mine. All I wanted to do was spend some time with her. The boys and I were away for the weekend and I slept in today because my medicine makes me tired. He said I got mental issues and I am on medicine for mental issues, which I am not. I am on medicine because of my brain demyelination and silent seizures and strokes, plus I am on a ton of stomach meds now because of my recent diverticulitis and crohn's diagnosis. I don't even know if I am spelling this right, but I need to get this off of my chest. My husband and I were doing great, but every time my brother comes, we get in a fight. I try to tell my brother to prepare himself, but he doesn't, so I wind up fighting with everyone and never get to spend time with my niece. I offered to give her a bunch of the boys clothes so she could enjoy playing out in the snow, but he wouldn't have it. I left it alone. He didn't want to eat with us, I let it go. I had to hear how I owe him since he put one out of 3 three faucets he offered to put in for us (he promised to do all) because anyone else would charge us $100. The whole point of him coming to my house was so I could pay him to do the faucets, but he left in such a hurry that he took $21 from my husband. I told him that I have given him about $50K in my life time, gave him $60 last week so he could eat since all he had was a can of kidney beans in his cabinet. I was going to give him another $40 for putting in the faucet. Funny thing is that he had my husband drive him to the train station when I started crying and went upstairs. I called my husband to ask him to tell my brother not to bring my niece to my school and drop her off like he threatened because I have worked toooooooo hard to get where I am. If he dropped her off, I explained that he would leave me in a position to take care of her and not return her back to him. I can't just have him show up at my school like a lunatic, drop off my niece and then expect me to hand her back to him. Of course my husband wouldn't help. So the boys and i went to say our goodbyes to my brother and niece. I needed him to understand that he is not going to ruin my life and career. I've worked too hard to get where I am. Many of my friends don't even have teaching jobs. He went on and on and said he doesn't even want to know if I go on chemo. He told me that he doesn't love me. He blamed me for everything in his life. I am tired of this dysfunctionalism. I am going to look for a job in another state and leave once the opportunity arises. I know my husband loves me, but I can't take this circular dysfunctionalism. I had to deal with issues last night from his other daughter because she thought I was supporting the comments he made to her concerning her wedding when i offered to give her my veil. My kidneys hurt, I have blood in my urine and my stools. Our friend Dean has been letting me go up the mountains to relax myself and live a simple life over the weekends. I've had two friends abandon me over the last year who I have hoped would've just put their differences aside, but only one has. That one (to my surprise) has actually apologized for her behavior which involved screaming and yelling at me at the top of her lungs and calling me over and over and over again and texting and texting and cursing and putting me down all because she didn't want to ask her son if he knew where one of my DVD's was so I could pick it up. I think the world is losing it's mind. All I want to do is throw away every bad memory I have, which is what I am starting to do tonight. I have Knick Knacks, memory albums, pictures, etc all over the house from people who have hurt me so bad. I'm tired of my heart hurting and pretending that I am strong. I am sick...I don't have the energy to keep taking abuse from other people. Yet, I continue to try to be the bigger person. This is why I hate given people a 3rd or 4th chance and definitely why I don't like making new friends. I guess I will clean out my closet which will come right in time for the boys communion so that the house will appear clean. I'm returning the other two faucets my brother offered to put in. I will buy a new one and pay the guy at Lowe's to put in the sink, faucet and toilet. I need the fixtures to be updated so that I can sell the house. It's time after 27 years in the same location to finally live my life. There are potential mates out there who make ALOT of money to help me, but I want to do this on my own...even if we live in a two bedroom apartment. The boys and I will be happy. I know that if my husband loves me (and I know he does- he just doesn't clean enough and fights with me when my brother is here)...maybe he will follow....and if not. I'm ok...I can do this. With all that is wrong, I've only got 5-10 years at max. I'd rather spend it alone than in a house filled with memories of people who have hurt me and can't figure out what they did wrong. I'd rather spend it alone than continuing to help others who upset me, put me down and tell me they don't love me or call me names. My job is not to save the world. I need to delete people from my online accounts so I stop hoping that they will change, because they won't. I just make myself look like a fool by keeping them as friends thinking we can reconcile. If I move away, I can't save the world. I can live a quality life with my family. I'll physically be too far away for people to ask for my help. I will have different phone numbers, which I am working on now anyway. | | |
| Well, my new class at SJU and my job are going great! I was offered the opportunity to interview at two districts and turned them down.
Bad news is that I just got my ultrasound results back and as the saga continues, I do not have good news. Even though I don't post on here much as most of my Xanga friends either talk to me on the phone, via email or on Facebook, I know there is a few of you out there that still care and want to here.
My ultrasound showed that my pancreas is twice in size and my liver is swollen. I do not have a gallbladder and none of my ducts are obstructed. They are hoping that the best case scenario will be the result: pancreatitis. However, they will not know until my blood tests come back. If they believe that they need an MRI or CT scan, then they will have to check for growths/tumors. I am having an ultrasound done of my thyroid and parathyroids as they were supposed to be scanned every year, but I forgot. They need to see if my nodule grew into a tumor. It can cause the brain, nerve, pancreas and liver issues. God knows I don't drink often and that is the usual cause of pancreas and liver issues. Thus, my brain issues and why I am on alzheimer's medicine. None of this has been easy, yet I battle it everyday and keep moving forward. My support network has been wonderful. I LOVE my job and how wonderful they have been through all of this. This is one of the reasons that I have begged my doctor to keep me out of the hospital if he can. I LOVE seeing my kids. I LOVE my coworkers! I LOVE my Principal! I LOVE working inner-city. I hate the drive and the location, but I LOVE making a difference. It gives me momentum to keep going.
Anyway, every Saturday we have to write a journal entry on a topic for class. This week the topic is Self-handicapping strategies. Here's my response if you want to read it. Let me know what your self-handicapping strategy is if you care to reflect and comment. Or just leave a note if you have the time.
Also, I attached a picture of one of my students. Our school got dressed up to celebrate the inauguration of Barack Obama. Barack brings so much hope to my students. Now we can say the pledge and know that we are "indivisible with liberty and justice for all." God Bless!
http://pictures.sprintpcs.com/mmps/003_086314db45bf478f_1/2.jpg?partExt=.jpg&&&outquality=90&ext=.jpg&border=2,255,255,255,1,0,0,0,0&limitsize=400,400&squareoutput=255,255,255
Love,
Joy
Do you have any self-handicapping strategies that hinder your success or effectiveness?
How can you break the habit of using these in your life?
Well, I'd hardly say that I have the time to go out and party all night as a means to display a self-handicapping strategy, but I do believe that I hold myself back from success sometimes.
I believe that as I have aged and my family has mostly passed away, I do not have a lot of the support networks that I once had. Add the variable of children, college and a full-time job to the mix and I almost feel like I'm juggling every aspect of my life.
I remember when I was in 8th grade and they did some type of achievement testing in school. When I was asked at the end of the test what I wanted to grow up to be, I remember writing that I wanted to be a secretary. I quickly checked the box that stated to attend two years of college, while writing "If I'm lucky" in parenthesis next to the box. Growing up poor and rarely seeing anything but the dynamics of my family life left me with a very sheltered outlook on my future.
As life went on, I fell into a very lucrative job and worked very hard to be successful. As I became more successful I thought about how I always wanted to be a teacher, but never felt that I was smart enough or had the money to go to a four-year college. After all, my two years of college was free because I was a secretary/human resource assistant at Bucks County Community College. Employees went to BCCC for free. So, I tried to rationalize that I had a job, a husband and my grandmother to take care of in order to avoid going to school to gain my Education degree.
As more family members passed, my children were born and I was still making money, my husband told me that I really could really afford to go back to school. My boss (who loved my talent to opening call centers from the ground up) even wrote me a letter of recommendation because she really believed that I could make a bigger difference in the world. Everyone kept pushing me to go to school to finish my degree. Still, my Mom and Gram were not there to catch me when I fell. So, I went through the motions of applying to The College of New Jersey, never thinking that I would be accepted as the average G.P.A. is a 3.8 and only 2 percent of students were chosen from out-of-state. However, if I applied then at least no one could say that I didn't try. Well, low and behold I made it into TCNJ. Everyone was happy, but I was scared.
I guess what I am saying is that my handicap is that my mind was set since before 8th grade with the notion that I could never be anything but a blue collar worker. It came from my upbringing. I just accepted life as it was presented to me. I was taught to appreciate what I have and need nothing more. Although as I see that my grades reflect my intelligence just as my reviews reflect my work ethic, I still lack the self confidence to see myself as anything big, even a Principal. Now I know that I can build myself up to believe in myself again, but this time I have to gain and succeed in a Principal role without the netting of my Gram and Mom to fall back on. That will not be easy.
Even enrolling for this first class at Saint Joseph's University scared the heck out of me! They say that God does not give you more than you can handle. Yes, I will be cliché because I really wished he didn't trust me so much! It would be much easier to say that I just couldn't do it. However, God knows that I can do it. So, I must find the strength and courage to finish this degree and move into my next role as God has planned for me. Just as God placed my Gram and Mom in my life, I am sure that he will place others in my path to help me along the way. In reality, we can justify why we can't do things in order to avoid success. However, with God by our side, we stand on the shoulders of others who have guided us along our path of life.
* My handicap: self confidence and the ability to talk myself out of doing well as most things. Although it's a handicap, often times it pushed me to do my best. Does any of this make sense?
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| Wow! What an eventful year 2008 turned out to be! I can't wait for 2009! Today turned out to be an eventful day. I went to the doctor's (hematologist). She said all of my levels were great from 12/3 and gave me a clean bill of health. I went to the mall to return stuff and .....I PASSED OUT! I can't wait to see how how my blood results turn out from today. The security guard wanted to call 911, but I quickly stood up and walked. I had two nephews coming over for a sleepover tonight and my husband has to leave for work at 5AM on Saturday Morning. I couldn't go to the hospital. Well, I think I made a mistake because I have a HUGE headache and my head is still dizzy. If it happens again I need to go to the hospital. Not sure if it has anything to do with the Namenda (Alzheimer's medication) they have me on or my brain issues. I tried to make it to Auntie Anne's because I felt myself getting dizzy and I went down right as the girl put my pretzel and slurpee drink on the counter. On a lighter note, can I just say how much I LOVE winter break as a teacher? This break has felt like a million years! I'm a little nervous to be evaluated because I haven't been formally evaluated by my Principal yet, but I know it's coming. I'm planning some awesome lessons to beef up what she thinks is already great lesson plans. She gives me too many kudos... That's one of the reasons I love working there! Not to mention that she and the other teachers sign cards and emails with "love." That's the difference of working in a religious school. Finally, we took a trip to The Please Touch museum, The Crayola Factory and The Lost Cave over break. We stayed in the Howard Johnson's in the Poconos. I knew that this would be the last time the boys would want to go to Please Touch and Crayola, but I had free tickets from my Principal and thought that we could save money by going. The boys loved swimming in the pool and jacuzzi at the hotel! The were in awe at the Lost Cave....which was covered in stallagtites and stallagmites! Cool to go to something that is 52 degrees year round when it's 0 degrees outside! Oh yeah...and I'm very excited to start grad school at St. Joseph's University! How privelaged I am to be able to attend for free too! God is definitely looking after me and my family. New Year's resolutions: 1. Join LA Fitness & workout with my husband and Dean 2. Cook More 3. Pace myself 4. Sleep more 5. Read novels over the summer 6. Spend less 7. Paint the house 8. Plant flowers in the spring 9. Plan a few road trips to Virginia, Arkansas and Florida. 10. Spend lots of time with my family...the loves of my life! HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009! | | |
| Hi Everyone! Gosh...it's been so long since I updated! I have read all of your Xanga blogs, but am having trouble keeping up. I'm trying to create really fun lessons for my class and yes....my health is back in the pits again. Therefore, my energy is zip, zero, nada, none. I see my new hematologist on 11/21. They wanted me in the hospital Friday, but the heck with that! I slept Thursday night into Friday morning, just so I could go to the Phillies World Series Parade! My Principal gave me off on Friday because I officially accepted to stay the entire year as the 6th Grade Teacher! She will tell me the specifics tomorrow. Apparently, their teacher isn't coming back. We were at a retreat and she had just found out at the end of the day when she grabbed me and asked me to stay on. I had to run to pick up the boys from school, so I couldn't talk. At the retreat my coworkers had to find a holy figure that was similar to me. When I found out they picked Mother Theresa, I almost cried. Having someone stand in front of you and tell you that they noticed that you are a very giving and generous person who has a great humbleness about them is really heart warming. This is my first year as a teacher. I often wonder if others notice what I am doing. My Principal is always singing my praises, which makes me feel rest assured that she is satisfied, but it also makes me wonder what others are thinking. So..............tomorrow I get an xray (thanks to insurance- they require that first) to find out why I can't raise my arm because of shoulder and arm pain for the past 2 months. There is a hard bump under both of my armpits, but the left armpit is much larger than the right one. It may be the cause of the pain. I'm staying positive and trying to conserve energy as my ferritin is at a 40, even with all of the iron, B12, B6, Vitamin D and Vitamin E I have been taking on my own. Even though I am technically critical, I know that I have fallen to a 4 twice before and lived. Another new edition to the health situation is that my white blood cell count has gone from elevated to in the very high range. As usual, my red blood cells are not fully mature or adequately shaped. I've been reflecting and speaking with God a great deal these last two months. These retreats are wonderful for me because I know that no matter what happens to me medically, I am very happy for what God has given me. I have two beautiful boys, a loving husband (yes, he's really come around), a year of teaching which is what I always wanted to do, great friends and so much more. So that's it....my phone is down until I get my new one in the mail. So if you tried reaching me, I am not getting my messages. Hope all is well with my Xanga friends! Now only a month and a half (or so) until Christmas! Egg nog baby...gotta love it!! Love, Joy | | |
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